ImageCHOOSE. Usually I like those words. Don’t you? It makes you feel like you have a superpower or something. Having control. Making decisions. Choose. But sometimes, only sometimes, your choices don’t seem good or well or even marginally okay. Then the choice just sucks. Because no matter the choice, it isn’t life-giving, but life-taking. That’s when choosing is just, well, gross.

I guess I’m working with all this choosing nonsense because I’m returning back to my church job after a 3.5 month sabbatical. And I choose to return. And it’s good. Right? RIGHT? My life is blessed with a community of folks at The Search that struggles with finding sacred and meaning in the ordinary life that we lead. They are courageous. They are loving. They are doers. They are meaning makers. Blessing bearers to me, for sure. But on the other hand, returning back to a place that causes me so much stress, anxiety and despair most days feels more like a curse. It’s supposed to be better than this, right?

I wonder who told us that.

Oh yeah, Moses. That guy. Reminding the people of God that they would continue to be blessed among peoples, but that they had to find God’s commandment in their hearts and live life as a blessing. Choose. There’s that crossroads…. taking what God is creating around us and choosing to be intentional about bringing the Reign of God to the here and now. To bless not only my own little world, but THE WORLD that I inhabit.

I think that’s where it all goes a bit wonky sometimes for us. We are so caught up in the minutiae of our own mess, our own failings, our own drama that we forget that our God is a God of love. The end. LOVE. Even when we don’t choose wisely. God loves.

There is a great scene in the first Lord of the Rings trilogy film, where Sam and Frodo are leaving the Shire for the first time. They stop on the edge. Just for a moment. Because when they take that step it will be the furthest they’ve ever been from home. They choose to move forward. It’s movement. It’s scary. But they do it together.

So in the end, I guess the whole blessing thing means we don’t do it alone. I think the cursed part of life would be do HAVE to.